Tired?! ((Warning Angry Post))

Sometimes you just get tired of the same old thing happening day after day. At some point, things have to have an end. We walk through life dealing with one another and at some point life's path has to come to a conclusion. I sometimes wonder why are we even assigned to this journey in the first place? Why are we walking around inhabited by sin? I love earth, and I love the time I get to have here, but it seems that the people on this planet are not too happy with it. People wake up angry and live life angry. In fairness, the angry indictment is just my judgment. Some people can look mad like me and not be upset at all. Others act out angrily with a smile then say they are not angry. I don't entirely get it, and most of the time none of us really do but its life.

I was accused of being angry for years, it just became easier to accept everyone else's diagnosis behind my facial expressions. People never seemed to assume depression, or better yet maybe he is just in thought. It was always straight to angry because that was easier. Growing up I wish I was born smilier so that I could have gotten the benefit of dought when I made a mistake or lost my temperament as anyone else did. Instead, it was just confirmation that I was crazy or angry. Although I have gotten past some of these things, I still know I'm not allowed the full freedoms of being myself in public. I feel like I have to put on a Stepin Fetchit show and smile and tip my cap to people, so they are comfortable. I don't feel godly doing it I feel fake. I was made in His image, not the worlds view on black men. I AM NOT AN ANGRY BLACK MAN! (I understand writing that in all caps didn't help my case.) I'm a beautiful, STRONG black man. Yes, Beautiful, not good looking or handsome because those things fade, I am beautiful because that comes from within. And the greater that is within me is greater than anything in this world.

I challenge all that have told me that I was angry to explore did I change or did God shift your perspective of Him in me? I admit that I have matured in Christ and my temperament has improved with age. However, I was never that different than most, I just didn't get the same chance as most because of the outside. People see God in me, and that's the only thing that gives me an identity in this world. The people closest to me in life are not here because of my great personality or my dashing good looks they are here because they see God in me. Overall, I praise God for that, and I know that it's a good reason to stick with Him because on the other side of things its loneliness and depression.

I'm writing this from a place of just being tired emotionally and writing it out helps me place my guard down and focus back on Jesus. Without writing it out, I will take the emotions of prior hurts and pains and apply them to the present. I can't let my past choke out my future. I now realize that I was more hurt about life than angry, and now I'm growing into being my optimistic about life. As a result, I feel depression and pain lift off of me daily. I know real hurt, and I truly don't want to add any more back on my life. He who the Son set free is free indeed, and that includes me. I'm free and no longer excepting other peoples anger in any shape or fashion. I understand that if I want a life that is genuinely free I have to stay in sync with Jesus because he said in his word that "I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." I want to do things that bring people joy, I understand that I will be rejected, but that's no different than Him. Jesus also said, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." I have been hated for all the wrong reasons for too long and now its to shift all of hurt and pain from rejection to the cross. I cant handle the anger and sickness that the world wants to put on me but Jesus can. I'm so glad I have a savior that will take it on, I'm so blessed that Jesus is built for this and all I have to do is stay here with Him.

As I journey through this day Lord, I pray that I do not stumble and fall to anger and pain. Lord, I pray that I overcome it and allow the words of my testimony to help someone else overcome it.  Lord, you are a great Father, and I love you for being a God that overcomes it all for your glory. Lord, I thank you for wrapping us up in your glory from one degree of glory to another you are good God!