T.H.U.G. L.I.F.E

I'm listening to the audiobook The Hate U Give,  and it is a great book. I have experienced a wide range of emotions from joy to flat-out anger. I haven't cried and laughed like this due to a book in a while. It's very thought-provoking and has me exploring some suppressed feeling when thinking about my relationship with law enforcement. It has also stimulated my desire to help my family let go of their legit fear of America's law enforcement. This is going to be a hard blog to write today; I may not stay on task, and yes it is influenced by this book but please journey with me...

I mentioned that I had suppressed feelings toward law enforcement. If we are honest, we all have them regardless of your race. As blacks, we are becoming more vocal out of the necessity to survive. "Our country" has used laws to suffocate us with oppression for so long that we have to fight just to breathe. As a whole our feelings are no longer suppressed, they have expanded to a loud, overwhelming cry of frustration that will wake the dead. Now that we all have cameras to document the hate we are given by "our country" a revolution of change should be sure to come. The days of being peacekeepers and are gone. We have graduated to a more biblical stance, and are choosing to be peacemakers. As peacekeepers, we just wanted our freedom back; we wanted to be 5/5 human in the eyes of "our country." But with freedom came knowledge and now we know we, like all of God's children, are made in His very image. And with the wisdom of our true identity, we also are realizing that blessed are the peacemakers for they are children of God. It's our natural stance as children of God to make peace in our country even if our county doesn't want to make peace with us. To make peace we will have to have conflict; we will have to shine the bright light of our future onto the darkness of our past and present. I believe that light does not war with darkness; complete darkness must flee in the presence of light. We will see a day that the love will conquer all hate in the hearts of man. We will have to stand up for love and have a conflict with hatred, just like light and darkness, hate cant drive out hate only Love can do that. I don't know the white experience in this country, but I do have knowledge of God's love, and I know it to be all-consuming. My hope as peacemakers and children of God that they too will forsake the comfortable roles of peacekeepers and stand up and fight for a day when they don't have to suppress their emotions. It pains all of us to see a life taken because it hurts God to see it. We cannot be desensitized to death and injustice in exchange for the comfort of the American dream of yesterday. We need to make America a pleasing aroma in Gods nostrils, not the great stench of death and pain it has been.

As a Black Man and as a Christian I have felt an overwhelming unnatural need to compromise the gospel for convenience. As a result, I now stand convicted with sorrow over opportunities missed and emotions suppressed.  By no means was I an "Uncle Tom for Jesus" but I walked the peacekeeper's path. I should have flipped over more tables; I should have had harder conversations with those that power the system and benefit from it. I don't believe anyone is born a racist and I could imagine its hard to look at life through someone else's experience. However, I should have invited more cops to see it from our perspective; I should have had more conflict in order to make more peace.
 My name will be linked with Joshua Barre more than the officers that shot him. The memory of confirming to his mother that her son is dead is still painful. Hate runs through society so to the point that no one recognized we lost something that was precious to God. The life of someone hurting and lost in mental illness was not mourned. Instead, it was suppressed into a category of justification. He wouldn't have died if he wasn't mentally ill or if he wasn't holding a knife or if he hadn't done whatever justifies a death for convenience. Joshua was just another black boy that couldn't get right; he didn't fit into the system for whatever reason now he is gone. The crowd yelled in unison F*$@ the Police, and I didn't blame them. I felt that way at the time, but I had to push that feeling down cause I had a gospel message to give. I'm sorry if that truth hurts anyone reading this but its the reality of being a man of God with a call but still being black here on earth. I was mad Joshua died, I thought of all of my homeless friends with mental health conditions (90% of them) and prayed Lord not them next. BUT WHY?! Why should I have to fear or mourn for any life because they are broken in the eyes of society? Why should have to tell a mother the life God put together in her whom is now gone? God gives gifts and man destroys them, and yet He keeps giving. I will never understand His ways, but I am grateful that He is an all-knowing God. That assurance is one that I have needed the most in times like these.

I'm raising two black boys into men in a world that may not say they fit in because of their skin or because of their culture. They have been given hate for who they are before discovering who they are. The book The Hate U Give credits a line from a Tupac interview where he explains T.H.UG. L.I.F.E. The Hate U Gave Little Infant's F's Everyone. This is a sad truth that the world needs to see.  My oldest son is an excellent example, he is a great person to know, he is smart and funny and loves with the love of God. But I fear society will stop and reject him at his blackness, a blackness that helped give him his strength, character, and humor. Unfortunately, the beauty of his culture and skin causes fear from a lack of understanding it. He will be invited to drop being black for other warmer tone general titles that will push him away from the image God formed him in. I pray he declines and stays aware of the gradual attempts to decolorize him to make other comfortable for a season. A kid told him that he was unapproachable and I knew why the kid said that. My son is smart and sure when he speaks on what he knows, he is a young man, and people are scared of that. He isn't a follower he doesn't smile because just because something is happening, but he has chosen to have joy, and his joy is shown in his actions, not false gestures. I get that, but I also get that most kids aren't that deep and the kid could have also said that cause unapproachable is typically code for "black-black." It has to be said twice cause the first black is what you're born into, cant change your skin color or birth certificate you are black. The second black explains a cultural thing, this means you are aware and you celebrate it. That means you say things like please don't touch my hair, yes my name is spelled different get over it, and no I'm not pretty or handsome for a black person I'm just a good looking person. The second black means you know you're worth, and you are not comfortable letting people be comfortable with systematic racism. My son is learning that he has a second black and I can image his I can't breathe t-shirt makes some people put him in the unapproachable category. The hate society has given caused that kid to miss out on knowing an excellent young man. But that's thug life for you. The other example of the hate given affecting my son is his unhealthy concern for police. He legit fears them riding behind us, the idea of being pulled over makes him panic. He has seen so many deaths on the news he views being pulled over as a leading cause of blacks death. Its right up there with diabetes, heart disease on his list. The hate given has caused him to not believe in the system because the system has proven it doesn't believe in him.

I'm starting to see more and more every day that God sent me to this community to be something more than I can imagine. The idea of being black-black and Christian isn't two separate things anymore. I use to feel I had to live in different worlds to be an evangelical. I'm talking the true meaning of the word, not the Americanised voter identity category known as the evangelicals. I believe spreading a true gospel message everywhere I go is being an evangelical. I mistook leaving behind a life of sin a for leaving behind my culture and in doing that I misdiagnosed my culture as being sinful. I accused black churches as not having enough teaching and too much praise. Now I see the truth that segregation has brought a lack into the whole church body. We need each other so we can learn to grow together in the Lord. I'm starting to get the more significant meaning of God sending us to the "whitest city in America." We can't effect change at a comfortable distance, we are here to get uncomfortably black-black and love the Lord with all of brothers and sister black, white yellow or brown.  Earlier I said I wish I had more chances to affect change in my past roles. I believe God brought me here to elevate me to a position where I will.