It's fun to think about how God covers us in so many ways. His love for us is so large yet perfect in all of to the little details. I guess it's the small things that allow Him to be such a great God on such a big scale. Psalms 174:4 says "He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name." That kind of small detail should assure us as children of God that He has an intimate love for us. Surely we are more important than the stars, He knows and has accounted for them. In Matthew chapter 10 God affirms the point that we are valuable when saying "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.…" This should be a great source of encouragement "but flesh." That's the opposite of the cliche phrase "but God" most Christians say in testimonies. We know God is good, but our flesh stops us from remembering that He is personally great to us all the time.
Our emotions don't always mix well with a sovereign God. He is going to cover us all the time regardless of us knowing that He is the one doing it for us. I'm writing this today so that I can stay focused on that very point. I can't worry about income and cost of walking into our new life. God called us here to the Portland area for the reason that He knows. He will provide and will provide in abundance. The struggle is not understanding this to be the truth but trusting the timing. The timing is the intimate details that make Him so beautiful. I have to believe the beauty in what God is doing with the timing. In this time while waiting on work to come, God, is preparing and strengthening us into something beautiful. Beauty deserves beauty, so I'm glad he is preparing us to walk into a beautiful future that I can be proud to be a part of. Our future won't look like a mismatch, we will look perfectly in place, but more importantly, we will be perfectly prepared.
Looking forward was the instructions God gave us through scripture before we left Tulsa. Isaiah 43:18-19 says “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."This scripture is encouraging in moments that we start to think about Tulsa. Not that we must abandon all affection we have for home but to stay more focused on the new thing God is doing. It is a seed planted within us, and like a beautiful glowing mother, we must carry this full term so that we can give birth to something new and beautiful. Just like pregnancy, we will have some morning sickness and maybe even a pre-eclampsia scare, but we know God will deliver.
For me, I started to get a little down yesterday when I thought about the recent death of Shawn Birdo, a homeless man that was killed while sleeping on the side walk. I got to thinking of what I could have done too had stopped it or what I could have done to comfort those mourning his death. I also looked at the photos of the running team I started at the mission, and they are running with more men and doing great. Then I thought about the disaster relief team I serve with going to Houston without me to help with the Hurricane relief. God equipt me for such moments and here I am miles away unable to do nothing. When I see all of these things that God had me doing, I have to remember not to focus on the former things. God is doing some awesome things for us here and now. Furthermore, God is strengthening those we left behind.
Being one, who was mainly an armor bearer, I understand and see that an armor bearer could handicap a leader opposed to helping them. I know I had to move aside to allow a new season to start at the mission and at my home church. I knew that season was coming and I knew I couldn't stay beyond my welcome. The last thing I wanted was to enter a place of complacency. If it's a new season for those ministries that must mean a new season for us as well. I'm glad God is giving me time to step aside and work on being closer to Regina.
Living life with my wife every day at this level is new. Every husband should want a time like this, but it's not as romantic as it seemed it would be. It's also not as bad as some would say it could be. We fight a little about small things, but we have more time to talk. She reads more than I do so she knows how to fill her time. I'm assuming we only have a limited time together, so I hope we grow closer and really get to know each other. In my mind (which isn't always mature) if we walked around butt naked until the kids come home that would be great. But that's not realistic and also kinda gross when you think about it. I'm not trying to have company find body hairs on the loveseat. On the other token, I don't ever want to spend a whole day apart in the same room. I'm glad we share our time and thoughts to fill the gaps. If I could have any take away from this period, it would be stronger as a couple so we can be more powerful for the church. We want to be guiding lights that push marriage by example and not by our words alone. The thing that excites us the most about our future is what God is going to do with our union.
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